


Too Much, Just Enough

by Starkerhowlter (Sinninghowlter)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (If that's a warning), (Not a recommended tactic just something that works for me), Body Dysmorphia, Confrontation of the body by a loved one, Eating Disorders, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of mental breakdown, body checking, nondescript mentions of self harm, nonsexual semi-nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:49:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28257963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinninghowlter/pseuds/Starkerhowlter
Summary: Sometimes Peter needs the reminder that the scale can be deceiving.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	Too Much, Just Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written as a self-projection. When I am dealing with my own mental stuff, I project onto starker to cope. This was written back in November as Thanksgiving and other major holidays where you are encouraged to binge eat are majorly triggering. PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS!
> 
> Initial Prompt: Personal reflection written to cope after Thanksgiving.
> 
> Non-beta'd

Tony knows what's wrong the moment Peter comes into the bedroom. He's in a large pair of sweats and one of Tony's hoodies. His eyes are puffed and red, cheeks raw with tear tracks. The bathroom light illuminates his purposefully shapeless figure, hiding his stomach and thighs from view. 

"Hey, sweetheart, you alright?" Tony asks, uselessly. Peter shakes his head simply, standing in front of the mirror next to the closet. He lifts the hoodie, pinching at the fat on his lower stomach, "What are you doing?"

"Too much..." Peter murmurs, he turns sideways, staring at the reflection of himself, "I'm too fat..." More tears gather in his brown eyes as he shakes his head to try and get them to disappear. He walks back into the bathroom and Tony watches as he steps onto the scale. He knows the number isn't to par when the boy's hand clasps over his mouth and a soft sob wracks his torso. 

The inventor isn't sure why they still have it since Peter's therapist has said it's not good for him. However, the last time Tony had disposed of it, Peter had a full-on episode complete with cursing, screaming, and sobbing, and the machine was quietly replaced by Peter by the end of the day. 

"Peter, are you..." He doesn't dare finish his sentence, knowing the answer already. He'd seen it firsthand. The boy wasn't okay. Tony had noticed the boy's hair falling out and wrapping around his fingers as he carded them through the younger's curls, and he'd pretended to not notice the boy painting his fingernails with clear paint to strengthen them so they'd stop breaking. He's laid on the couch in the lab while Peter's at college, wondering how the hell the boy can see himself as fat. He's beautiful... There's just enough of everything for him to be perfect.

"Am I what... Okay? No. I'm not. You know this. I know you see it. You act oblivious, Tones, but I know you see it. You see the growing fat on my stomach you see the thinning of my hair and nails, I know you see me getting dizzy and knowing that I'm seeing spots in my vision due to my lack of nutrition. Does that answer your question? No, I am not fucking okay, and I do not want to fix it. If I start gaining weight, Tony, I will get worse. Trust me. I tried to get out of this hole once, and now look where we are. I have the scars to prove that it didn't work. What answer do you want, babe? I can't fix it. I can't change it. You saw what happened when I tried to remove my triggers. I tried removing the scale, I tried removing food... Obviously, though, we're both scientists so we both know I can only remove food for so long. What do you want me to say? Yeah, I'm okay? We both know that's bullshit."

By this point, Peter's in tears. Tony sits at the foot of their bed and watches with tears in his own eyes as his young boyfriend paces the bedroom. He wants to hug him but knows that will make it worse. Peter has to get out of this himself. Well, as much as he can. There is only so much he can do. His hands shake from their position in his lap, and he can't do much more than letting them shake uselessly alongside the rest of his body. Peter pulls at his hair and the old M.I.T. hoodie, trying to hide as much skin as he possibly can. He wants to grab the boy, stand him in front of the mirror and strip him raw. He craves to show him the basics of his body and the basics of how perfect he actually is. He wishes he could punch whoever made the younger feel this way in the face and show them just how wrong they are.

"Come sit next to me, bambino, please..."

"No, if I sit, it gets worse. You know how this is." Peter pulls his phone out of his pocket, and begins searching, scrolling, and then searching some more. The older doesn't even need to ask to know what he's looking up: 'BMI Calculator', 'how to lose weight', 'how to lose weight fast', 'why am I fat'... the list goes on. 

"Peter, please. Come here. I want to show you something." Tony rises from the bed, slowly walking towards the mirror, "I swear we can cover this when we're done."

The boy yields finally, approaching his boyfriend, "What."

"First, give me this," The older takes the cellphone out of his hands, and pushes it into the back pocket of his black jeans. "Now, Stand in front of me. You can face me to start." 

Peter follows Tony's request, and sighs, "Now what..." 

"Raise your arms. We're going to start with this." He removes the hoodie and the t-shirt underneath, before turning him back towards the mirror. Peter's eyes well up with tears as he tries to pull away. "Listen to me. Just for a second, please. I want to explain to you what I see. Since looks can be deceiving."

"What does that have to do with anything? You can lie. The scale can't."

"Would I lie to you, Dolcezza?" In place of a reply, Peter shakes his head at the floor, "That's what I thought. Now, listen to me. I know it doesn't mean much but you are perfect. All the way down to your feet. Can you look at yourself in the mirror for me?" The young chemist looks up, locking eyes with Tony's reflection, "Alright, where are you feeling bad?" The boy points at his stomach and the small bit of pudge that has appeared. "You know what this is? It's a sign that you did what you were supposed to today. You ate correctly and nourished your body today. This is a sign you are healthy." 

"But... healthy is flat, Tones." He sucks in his belly as proof, "This... This is healthy."

"That isn't true. Peter, you have almost 20 feet of intestines in there. There is no way you'll ever be that crazy flat, and if you are, something is missing." The younger laughs a little at the joke, smiling slightly at the reflection of Tony in the mirror. "I promise Peter, if you were your size or five times your size, I'd still love you. You are absolutely perfect to me whether your brain says so or not." 

Before he can continue, Peter's wrapping him in a tight hug, hiding in the older's neck, "Thank you." He murmurs, "It may not be totally true, but it still helps a little."

"I know, baby boy. I'm sorry your brain is being dark today. If you want, you can grab the blanket from the chair and cover this up?" Tony suggests, picking up the hoodie off the floor. Peter nods, picking up the faux fur blanket and tossing it over the vintage mirror. "Perfect. Here's this back, since I know that my little pep talk didn't make it go away completely and it makes you feel better to have it on. Would you like to watch a movie as a distraction.?" 

He nods simply, pressing a kiss to the older's cheek, "Thank you, Tony."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much for reading. Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated!


End file.
